“Why is it all the books about death are written by the living?”


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“Why is it all the books about death are written by the living?”

I have recently, again in a talk group, had my pending death examined by those who strive to  possess knowledge about death that I apparently at almost 80 do not possess and really don’t want to. Death in the self help- on- the- road- to- inner- peace  is posited as a Awareness that One must embrace more and more with each advancing year. I must somehow cherish my  impending doom and of course I will be missed. “Death is beautiful…”

How does anyone know that?

And before we are off into the yonders of Death – wait one little minute. We old folks  have things to do and places to go, just like anyone else, even if it’s in our imagination. The meaning of life is as important to us as it is to yours. Don’t hover around us waiting for the “beautiful” moment so you can experience your acceptance of death.


I’M WALKING HERE!!, as in Ratso in Midnight Cowboy yells out to someone who pushes past him on the sidewalk. We know Ratso is soon to die but meanwhile there he is!

Dear Mum the blogger, I don’t intend to minimize your tears at the gradual loss of your father has you know him, spirited and dynamic. . I lost my own father bit by bit to Parkinson’s disease. But was this just a perception given to me by the hale and hearty living? What was lost? Each person has their own reality based on well… reality. But I suggest perhaps a different path for some who can pull it off. I am one of those old people on the cusp of 80. I have a hard time getting put of a chair, I am so weak that I have to sleep after the slightest exertion such as walking outside a few feet.


I want to say, suggest, whatever to get my point across that the mind does not need to follow the body, as per the expectation: aka the mind lock step follows the body. I see many old people (and most people) who adopt a mind set that has been bequeathed to them by custom, the expectation that once the body goes “downhill” it’s toward the end, as in a juggernaut gaining momentum until the crash of death.

“Is your mother in decline?” asked a man friend of my daughter’s when he saw me on crutches. I had just broken my foot. Many people break their feet and they are not old yet.  Babies break their feet. This assumption is not made about young people. For young people there is an assumption of recovery (say from the sky driving accident that produced brain damage, or the MS that physically compromises Stephen Hawking) and onto the rest of a dynamic life. Old people can have also have recovery of symptoms and also be on to a dynamic life. Just because we see the end looming doesn’t mean the end of life for today or even the immediate tomorrow.  Today is yesterday’s future.

I think what is held as the downhill of life in old people is depression  at the loss of physical ability and the unwelcome addition of pain and discomfort that does come with advancing years. Their loved ones are anticipating their impending death by striving for empathy concerning an entity no living person has a clue about. And no wonder, anyone at any age would feel depressed if that happened to them. What I am suggesting is, for us to look at the person and not the age. Save your empathy for life not death.